Texts From Last Night

[Drew618]

http://textsfromlastnight.com
Remember that text that you shouldn't have sent last night? They do.

Anyways, this is some hilarious site that is pretty much a collection of funny texts that they have gotten that they have submitted to the site. Texts are the new comedy. Be sure to check out the "best" and "worst" nights.

Plus they only add an area code to conceal people's privacy.

:dog: I hope that wasn't your text.

[Melaugh]

I love this one:

(305): Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.

It got a 1411 bad night votes.

[Dracophile]

This was on the first page: "my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was. "

Site bookmarked.

[Rigs]

Fmylife.com is even funnier.

But this site isn't bad. :)

[iWaddle]

I discovered this website yesterday, I love it so I followed them on Twitter for the latest updates.

<3

[Drew618]

"(308): I think i sorta joined a cult last night"

Can't tell if that's a good night or a bad night. XD

"(847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out."

This got mostly good night votes XD

[iWaddle]

(608): Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior

[Drew618]

(214): a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener

[Zmactarheel]

(919): Heybabeimwearingurpanties

Hooray for dumbasses near where I live. *sigh*

[Pen Rua]

(978): i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened

So, so funny!

[Kani]

(203): I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
(203): needless to say I left

[Freez]

(209): dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
(1-209): nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all

Strange, objectifying a girl as Pokemon.

(850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
(850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

I'm pretty sure that's a joke.


(321): I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.

(917): I think I just saw someone hide a body.

[iWaddle]

(917): I think I just saw someone hide a body.

I lol'd at that when I read your post...I spit out some of my cereal too. :(

[Drew618]

(203): I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
(203): needless to say I left

(908): It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers

(802): Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
(802): Tonite tequila might call you
(802): Be prepared

(216): bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
(440): isn't bella the cat???
(216): that she is

(415): mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you

(210): READY
(1-210) for what?
(210) TO HAVE SEXXXX
(1-210) i think you have the wrong number

(434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
(540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

(918): Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
(918): And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.

[Tom]

(757): DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
(703): I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.

Haha, only in VA.

[iWaddle]

(478): Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
(706): Try anal, it works wonders.

[The Chandrunator]

(949): Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?

Of course!

[Drew618]

(206): I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
(253): Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.

Figures.

(949): i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit

Win.

(916): put your butt on the phone this is a booty call

A little too literal, eh?

[The Chandrunator]

(314): Most awkward sex ever...
(314): And im texting you in the middle.

Awkward!

[Kani]

(###): We did it on a chair last night and I had to turn my ass to him
(###): I was so afraid he would fuck me in the wrong hole!

[John]

(313): Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs

[iWaddle]

(864): you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.

[The Chandrunator]

(704): I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"

[Drew618]

(609): ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.

(281): ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
(214): Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.

(408): carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
(415): be there in 3 mins

(818): i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
(818): and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top

(323): Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.

[The Chandrunator]

(512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

Yes, you do.

[JESUS]

(620): my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
(785): you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?

[The Chandrunator]

(314): he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex