Ænima
07-09-2009, 11:32 PM
So yeah, I watched the B-Movie, or maybe even Z-Movie, Robot Monster today. 66 minutes of pure mindfuck, this movie has everything from a gorilla with his head stuck in a diving helmet with antennas to taglines such as "How can Science Meet the Menace of Astral Assassins?", this movie is gonna blow your mind, kick you in the nuts and brainwash you with cheap clichés all at the same time.
When the horrifying gorilla robot, also know as Ro-Man, realeases his death ray called the "Calcinator", the screen starts flashing and you'll hear a static noise that's more annoying than a lame internet meme. And Ro-Man sure likes his death ray, because you see the flashing lights and hear the static noise for ALMOST A THIRD OF THE DAMN MOVIE. Then the robot strangles the handsome scientist and kidnaps his girlfriend, but a few minutes later he somehow wakes up to life, runs to the survivor camp, utters an unfinnished sentance, and dies again. Followed by the old professor saying "He's dead, and there's nothing we can do about it." Why thank you, Captain Obvious.
Suddenly, Ro-man is unable to kill the girl he had kidnapped, because after some calculation he appearently is in love with her, which causes Ro-Mans leader in the spaceship to make thunder appear from his hands and wake up lots of dinosaurs, who engage in a fight in a terribly bad Stop-Motion scene. In the last minute, you get a totally unmotivated plot twist, which basically says "We didn't even know how to give this shitty movie a decent fucking ending, thanks for wasting your time." And now, when everybody is safe and happy, you get to see a loop of Ro-Man walking out of his bubble machine-equipped cave for 40 FUCKING SECONDS as a last humiliation before you are finally set free from this monstriosity.
LINKS:
Trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cq9IKsH9BXg)
Full movie (Watch at your own risk) (http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=2D9E30AAF3C0D5A3)
When the horrifying gorilla robot, also know as Ro-Man, realeases his death ray called the "Calcinator", the screen starts flashing and you'll hear a static noise that's more annoying than a lame internet meme. And Ro-Man sure likes his death ray, because you see the flashing lights and hear the static noise for ALMOST A THIRD OF THE DAMN MOVIE. Then the robot strangles the handsome scientist and kidnaps his girlfriend, but a few minutes later he somehow wakes up to life, runs to the survivor camp, utters an unfinnished sentance, and dies again. Followed by the old professor saying "He's dead, and there's nothing we can do about it." Why thank you, Captain Obvious.
Suddenly, Ro-man is unable to kill the girl he had kidnapped, because after some calculation he appearently is in love with her, which causes Ro-Mans leader in the spaceship to make thunder appear from his hands and wake up lots of dinosaurs, who engage in a fight in a terribly bad Stop-Motion scene. In the last minute, you get a totally unmotivated plot twist, which basically says "We didn't even know how to give this shitty movie a decent fucking ending, thanks for wasting your time." And now, when everybody is safe and happy, you get to see a loop of Ro-Man walking out of his bubble machine-equipped cave for 40 FUCKING SECONDS as a last humiliation before you are finally set free from this monstriosity.
LINKS:
Trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cq9IKsH9BXg)
Full movie (Watch at your own risk) (http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=2D9E30AAF3C0D5A3)